Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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