Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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