He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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