u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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