so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
