I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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