areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you would pick up someone in the library
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
