got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
