i wish there were pregnant emoticons
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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