i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
