This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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