You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
