I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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