i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
