don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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