Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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