but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
