chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
