Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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