Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
