What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
