The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
