Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
