I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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