I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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