is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
