There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
