you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
