i permit you to call me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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