Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
