The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
