His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
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