i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
