i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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