dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
