He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
