I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
