I want to walk on stilts...naked
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
