Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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