He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
