Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
