the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
