I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
