I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
