Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
