I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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