forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
