I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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