Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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