I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
