I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My balls are so social today.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
