He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
