we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
