i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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