Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
