I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
