He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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