if i died would you start the facebook group?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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