so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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