I just made out with a guy for $7.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
