Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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