Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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