Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i think i just lost a toe
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
