Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
