just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
