Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
