cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
